Genesis 6


The Flood


1 When men began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them, 2 the sons of Armagan saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose. 3 Then the Lord said, "My Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years.” At this point, most of the population, being roughly 600, fell down and died. Armagan said at this point, “Bugger. Didn’t think that one through properly.”
4 The Necrophilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of Armagan went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown. Men such as Marnid, the fastest merchant in the west. He became a man of great renown amongst the other peoples through managing to peddle the Necrotelecomnicon to a great King by telling him that he could communicate with Armagan through it, cleverly neglecting to mention the forums set up for that very purpose. So great were his powers of persuasion that he even managed to wheedle a padded cloth out of a total stranger.
5 The Lord saw how nicely the game’s progress was going, and that every indication was for good sales upon release. 6 The Lord was happy that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with joy. 7 So the Lord said, "I will take a nice long well-deserved bath and relax for a while." 8 But Yoshiboy had a feeling something was going to go wrong.
9 This is the account of Yoshiboy.
Yoshiboy was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked with Armagan through the game files. 10 Yoshiboy had three sons: Wham, Bam and Thankyoumam.
11 Now the earth was out of Armagan's sight and was full of violence. River pirates jumped innocent peasants, only to find that the peasants had rescued some Vaegir Knights from some hapless forest bandits, and promptly got an absolutely Biblical thrashing. “I’m gonnna break yer legs” just didn’t quite cover the magnitude of the beating they took.12 Armagan saw how corrupt the earth had become, for peasants were winning battles against tough opponents, against the laws of nature. 13 So Armagan said to Yoshiboy, "I am going to take a long bath and clear my head, to clearer see what decision I should make. It shall be large, deep and full of bubbles, and in an ornate and incredibly huge bathtub. It shall be the best of all possible baths."
And it was so. The Lord took a bath, and it was the best of all possible baths. Indeed, of such magnificence was this bath that he fell asleep in its waters with the tap still running. Swiftly it overflowed, and began dripping, then dribbling, then cascading its soapy waters down upon Calradia. For forty minutes and forty seconds it continued, until Armagan awoke and cried “Oh shit oh shit oh shit!” and turned the taps off.
But it was too late. Calradia had been submerged beneath a foamy, lavender-scented sea. However, all was not lost. Yoshiboy, anticipating this from the exhaustion in Armagan’s eyes, had discovered the secret of travelling across the water. Pirates!, he called his discovery, and a vast flotilla of ships did he command, dragging the modding community firmly by the throat aboard the vessels.


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