Genesis 1

The Beginning

1 In the beginning Armagan created Turkey and Calradia.
2 Now Calradia was formless and empty, Swadians were over the surface of the deep, and the two Creators were hovering above the waters in Edit Mode.
3 And Armagan said, "Let there be Vaegir," and there was Vaegir. 4 Armagan saw that Vaegir was good, and He separated the Vaegirs from the Swadians. 5 Armagan called the Vaegirs "Vaegirs," and the Swadians he called "Swadians." And there was Zendar, and there was Dhorak Keep — the first day.

6 And Armagan said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." 7 So Armagan made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. 8 Armagan called the expanse "sky." And there was Zendar, and there was Dhorak Keep — the second day.

9 And Armagan said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. 10 Armagan called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And Armagan saw that it was good.
11 Then Armagan said, "Let the land spawn parties from predesignated points: seed-bearing goods caravans and manhunters on the land that carry slaves with various blunt force trauma wounds on them, according to their various factions." And it was so. 12 The land produced towns: towns bearing products according to their factions and towns bearing soldiers with varying weapons in their hands according to their factions. And Armagan saw that it was good. 13 And there was Zendar, and there was Dhorak Keep — the third day.

14 And Armagan said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. 16 Armagan made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 Armagan set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And Armagan saw that it was good, but there was something missing. Then, He had it. Reflective water! Armagan released a hurried update, and the water henceforth began to reflect those lights that Armagan had affixed in the firmaments. 19 And there was Zendar, and there was Dhorak Keep — the fourth day.

20 And Armagan said, "Let the water teem with those blasted river pirates, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." 21 So Armagan created those blasted pirates of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, but left the birds for a future update when he could be arsed. And Armagan saw that it was good. 22 Armagan blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds wait on my Hard Drive for a while." 23 And there was Zendar, and there was Dhorak Keep — the fifth day.

24 And Armagan said, "Let the land produce both living and undead creatures according to their kinds: caravans, war parties that move along the ground, as opposed to… umm… err… the waters, and bandits, each according to its faction." And it was so. 25 Armagan made the bandits according to their factions, the caravans according to their factions, and all the war parties that move along the ground according to their factions. And Armagan saw that it was good.
26 Then Armagan said, "Let us make man in our image, in 3ds Max, and let them rule over the river pirates of the sea and the birds of the air (assuming I eventually implement them), over the caravans, over all the earth, and over all the war parties (according to their factions, of course)."
27 So Armagan created man in 3ds Max,
in the image of Armagan he created him;
male and female he created them.
28 Armagan blessed them and said to them, "Be horny little buggers and increase in number; fill the earth and subsequently ruin the bloody thing – go on, we all know you’ll do it eventually, we might as well get it over and done with. Rule over the pirates of the sea and the birds of the air (assuming I can be bothered to implement them) and over every war party that moves on the ground, not that they’d be able to move anywhere else with all that armour on. Swimming? Forget about it. Flying? No bloody chance........
According to their various factions."
29 Then Armagan said, "I give you every seed-bearing goods caravan on the face of the whole earth (assuming you get there before the bandits do) and every manhunter that has slaves with blunt force trauma with it. They will be yours for food. Not the manhunters, obviously. You can just use the slaves for pointless menial labour at the Salt Mines. 30 And to all the bandits and all the potential birds of the air and all the war parties that move on the ground — everything that has the breath of life in it — I give every green plant for food." And it was so. To the zombies he said, “It’s pointless giving you every green plant. You only eat people anyway and I’m removing you in a later update in any case.”

31 Armagan saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Indeed, many respected reviewers gave it a very complimentary preview, even PC Gamer. And there was Zendar, and there was Dhorak Keep — the sixth day.


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